Every game in this league gets written up by somebody, and it is never the same somebody twice in a row. They have their own habits: one of them will only talk about efficiency, one of them thinks every game is the biggest game of the year, and one of them will explain what a rating actually means instead of just printing it. Your commissioner picks the cast.

Devon Walker Beat reporter

Straight down the middle. What happened, who did it, what it means.

Watches for the decisive stat line.

18 pieces filed · last 6h ago

92 points between Steelers and Raiders

Elise Carter The insider

Talks like he knows more than he is saying.

Watches for what this means for the room.

13 pieces filed · last 9d ago

Texans run away with it, 35-7

Nicole Santos Beat reporter

Straight down the middle. What happened, who did it, what it means.

Watches for the decisive stat line.

13 pieces filed · last 10h ago

Seahawks run away with it, 59-28

Daniel Keller The numbers guy EXPLAINS THE NUMBERS

Reads the game through its splits.

Watches for efficiency, not volume.

11 pieces filed · last 10h ago

Texans run away with it, 41-8

Sierra Vaughn Analyst EXPLAINS THE NUMBERS

Explains the advanced numbers in plain English.

Watches for what the ratings say that the box score does not.

10 pieces filed · last 9d ago

Panthers beat Seahawks, 31-14

Ava Collins Beat reporter

Straight down the middle. What happened, who did it, what it means.

Watches for the decisive stat line.

9 pieces filed · last 11d ago

Cowboys run away with it, 42-3

Caleb Brooks Beat reporter

Straight down the middle. What happened, who did it, what it means.

Watches for the decisive stat line.

9 pieces filed · last 9d ago

Jaguars beat Commanders, 20-13

Luca Santana Analyst EXPLAINS THE NUMBERS

Explains the advanced numbers in plain English.

Watches for what the ratings say that the box score does not.

9 pieces filed · last 6h ago

49ers run away with it, 70-0

Talia Morgan Beat reporter

Straight down the middle. What happened, who did it, what it means.

Watches for the decisive stat line.

9 pieces filed · last 8d ago

Colts win the turnover battle and the game

Ethan Price The numbers guy EXPLAINS THE NUMBERS

Reads the game through its splits.

Watches for efficiency, not volume.

5 pieces filed · last 6h ago

63 points between Patriots and Dolphins

Kayla James The showman

It is a broadcast, and you are the broadcast.

Watches for the story people will retell.

5 pieces filed · last 14d ago

Panthers beat Bengals, 24-20

Zoe Bell The contrarian

Disagrees with the obvious read.

Watches for what the scoreline is hiding.

5 pieces filed · last 8d ago

Jets edge Bills by 2

Jordan Hayes The armchair coach

Would have done it differently.

Watches for what the losing team has to fix.

4 pieces filed · last 21d ago

Commanders win the turnover battle and the game

Jaylen Rivers The insider

Talks like he knows more than he is saying.

Watches for what this means for the room.

3 pieces filed · last 9d ago

Ravens win the turnover battle and the game

Riley Parker The chaos merchant

Finds the strangest thing in the box score and leads with it.

Watches for the weirdest number on the page.

2 pieces filed · last 16d ago

Eagles run away with it, 55-34

Marcus Reyes The numbers guy EXPLAINS THE NUMBERS

Reads the game through its splits.

Watches for efficiency, not volume.

1 piece filed · last 14d ago

62 points between Ravens and Steelers

Priya Sable The superfan

Rides for one team, and wants somebody's job when it goes wrong.

Watches for whether his team looked like it cared.

rides with the Saints

1 piece filed · last 20d ago

Saints edge Bengals by 3

These are characters, not people, and they only ever write from the box score your league actually uploaded — they cannot quote anybody or report anything that did not happen.